By Allia Zobel Nolan
Of the two presidential front-runners, only one that I know of (having done exhaustive research on that most trusted source of trivia knowledge: the internet) has had the privilege of learning strategies from association with a cat, i.e., Hillary Clinton, who I’m sure, picked up some savvy pointers from her late, great, stray rescue, Socks.
Though she has since gone over to the dog side, Clinton most certainly must have internalized some beneficial guidelines from her beloved Socks, which have undoubtedly helped her get this far in government and in life. With this in mind, come November, I won’t be voting on the basis of what I’ve learned about either candidate’s stance on Mexican walls, tax reform, immigration, or emails. Instead, as an avowed ailurophile, (google it) , and since I respect and agree with the majority of decisions cats make, I’ll be checking the box of the candidate whose demeanor and platform is the most cat-like.
Now I’ve never voted for a woman or a man on the basis of her or his relationship with an animal. Still, it’s an interesting concept. What’s more, under the circumstances, there may be a certain kind of logic to it—particularly if you consider this: People say you can judge a man (woman) by his/her friends, and presumably our candidates’ pets are their friends, then ipso facto, it’s not unreasonable to judge the woman or the man—through association—with the pets he/she has had. In any event, it beats tossing a coin.
- Be peace-loving. Do not use aggression, as some others do, to get your point across. Don’t engage in macho shows of bravado. Don’t bark loudly, bare your teeth, or bite anyone on the leg.
- Be discerning in your allegiance. Be judicious and focused when it comes to loyalty. Do not be at the beck and call of any stranger who pets you, nor be easily swayed by anyone who gives you a treat.
- Be an independent thinker. Do not live for approval, nor base important decisions on the approbation of anyone else. Above all, do not be influenced by the crowd. (If anyone suggests this highly desirable characteristic is snooty, aloof, patrician, remember that’s rubbish…and you are merely showing courage of conviction.)
- Exude patience and restraint. Strategize by waiting and watching before you pounce, if, indeed, the situation calls for pouncing at all.
- Be a savvy conservationist. Do not expend energy–especially your own–on trivialities such as fetching or shaking hands. Like Winston Churchill and other noted dignitaries, nap often, as daily short bouts of shut-eye are important to a statesman’s well-being.
- Don’t be greedy. Unlike others, who believe more is better, don’t gobble up everything in sight; consume only what you need to survive. What’s more, take great pains to share–particularly mice and garden snakes–with your constituents.
- Be humble. If you’re polydactyl, don’t brag about it. A leader is much more than their paws.
- Exude civility. Cultivate a gentle person’s manners, be impeccably groomed at all times, and make the best of impressions. Handle yourself admirably when dining with important people. Never roll in the mud before conferring with a foreign official and never ever beg for table scraps.
- Learn how to turn a convenient deaf ear when you need to.
- And finally, become an expert at routing out rats and other vermin, something that can come in handy for any POTUS wanna-be.
Allia Zobel Nolan is an internationally published, award-winning author of 200 children’s and adult humor titles. Her books reflect her two main passions, God and cats, and include such varied titles as Women Who Still Love Cats Too Much; Whatever Is Lovely, Cat Confessions: A Kitty-Come-Clean Tell-All Book, Purr More; Hiss Less: Heavenly Lessons I Learned from My Cat; The Joy of Being Fifty, The Worrywart’s Prayer Book, and Angels in the Bible Storybook.
Zobel Nolan lives and writes in a country home with her husband, Desmond Finbarr Nolan, and their feline children, Sineady Cat, the Fraidy Cat, and Nolan Nolan.